Do you have the right to remain silent ?

To talk or not to talk … that’s the question!

At ICA we learn about the importance of listening.
To look for the difference between a coach and a mentor, counselor or therapist.

I can see the danger in talking too much. There’s so many people out there feeling weak and powerless. If a coach talks 80% of the time and listens only 20% he will get of the track and no longer be a good coach.
He’ll become a guru. Wouldn’t you think so?

I think it depends. In my view there are occasions on which sharing your knowledge and experience with your client is a good thing.

The following quote by Castaneda explains my point of view: “My writings are nothing but registers. The reader has to find our for himself how to use the ideas mentioned in this book. He has to walk on his own legs…”
Or as Frederic D. Homer wrote about Georg Groddeck in his book “The interpretation of illness” : “ Disciples like their master to stay put, whereas I should think anyone a fool who wanted me to say the same thing tomorrow as I said yesterday. If you really want to be my follower, look at life for yourself and tell the world honestly what you see.”

You can ask your client many power full questions but sometimes the client will not have any answers available.
You wait, give him the time to think but nothing comes out … Would you let the silence become painful ?
I don’t think so. What would be the use of starting a guessing game with your client ?
Say what you want to say, sharing your ideas can be much more effective!

The following comparison could be useful to explain how this works in coaching practice :
Imagine you and your friend are climbing. You are the expert so you climb first.

As you reach the end of the trail you are delaying your partner who is struggling in a difficult passage.
You have to give him the time to find out for himself how to get through. But if he doesn’t manage and you can see the sweat on his face and the despair in his eyes ?

Do you wait in silence ?

Do you miss the moment to give him a hand and guide him through ?
Of course not ! You do everything you can to help him!

And if he doesn’t make it with your mental support, tips and tricks, you have to reach him your hand or pull the rope to get him up there and save the day !

That’s exactly what a coach sometimes has to do. When he sees a solution for his client it’s his duty to share it with him.
He just has to offer the client this possibility and opportunity.

If this means exceeding the holy 20% limit of talking …well what the heck !
Share it, give the client some time to think about it.
Go on coaching, go on asking power-questions !